That's Not Rin Tin Tin

Jolene and I have had a phenomenal summer. We've visited the farm, taken naps in the bed (unless you're talking to Coach John - then, we napped on the floor), gone to various Farmer's Markets (with Coach John and some $30 chicken...another story!), and hit the Petco at least once a week - inevitably leaving with some kind of swag for Jolene. (If this is any indicator of how I'll fare in a Target or Toys R' Us with my human children, we could be buying stock in Mattel and Hasbro).

Today was the turning point. Let's hope it was just a pothole in a long road of ridiculous sunshiny days. Ones that don't boast 100 degree heat indexes and humidity that slaps you on your sweaty forehead whenever you go outside to "hurry" with a four-legged friend. Unfortunately, Jolene has been a tad under the weather and is suffering from an irritable stomach. Read between the lines, as this Southern Belle refuses to air her pup's dirty laundry (literally) on the World Wide Web.

Our day started well enough with a session of pseudo-fetch interrupted by sparrow chasing before the sun got too high in the sky. Despite her stomach issues, Jolene was her rambunctious self. She was immensely enjoying her foray into the role of predator or "Sparrow Stalker" - her alter ego. All seemed well - until our lunchtime "hurry". I'd decided we should hit the Petco with our Rewards Bucks; so, we harnessed up (literally) and headed to car. That's when the day took a turn for the worse...

Jolene took off for the grassy area at a rapid pace just as I opened the door leading to the parking lot. Frantically clutching PetCo coupons, keys, purse, etc - I staggered after her and watched anxiously as her stomach issues continued. My mind spun circles around the different diagnoses you can find on VETinfo.com (don't judge - I do the same thing for myself, having called my mother several times insisting I have had bird flu, swine flu, skin cancer, IBS.... the list goes on and on). As I struggled to keep Jolene in check, I cleaned the offensive area as best I could. Then, I heard the judgment-laden exhalation of a passing stroller brigade.

I swiveled around swiftly and was dismayed to see Jolene relieving herself in a rather unladylike manner on the sidewalk... not the designated grassy area. The women's faces shone with sweat and disapproval, shaming me and my four-legged baby. Jerking my pup to me and giving the Cesar Millan quintessential "ah ah", we bolted. I dragged her towards the car, shrieking a promise to rinse the offending square of cement as the stroller rolled into the distance.

As I threw Jolene into the passenger seat and cranked the AC, I realized I was still holding a bag of... well, y'know. I didn't know what to do - Jolene was obviously hot and out of sorts, so she needed to stay in the cooling car. But - what type of pet owner leaves their dog in a car (albeit one that felt like a meat freezer at this point). Finally, I rolled down the windows so that hot air could waft out and ran like hell towards the trash can (approximately 25 ft. away and in the line of sight from the vehicle). I was just about to pitch bag when I heard a loud Shepherd shriek behind me.

Turning towards the car, I saw what can only be described as a stunt clip from Rin Tin Tin: K9 Cop. Jolene was hurtling out of the open passenger window and her leash was swinging free behind her. Miraculously, she hit the ground running - only to be momentarily deterred when her leash's bag container lodged behind the side mirror. But my loyal canine companion didn't let that stop her. She muscled forward and the container burst open, spewing plastic bags across the parking lot.

I'm sure that this was quite an entertaining sight for anyone crazy enough to brave the heat waves emanating from the black top. It reached a whole new level when, while I scrambled to grab Jolene, the bags, the container pieces, etc. - and a punk in a Lexus SUV HONKED at us in his quest to cross the parking lot. My eyes jerked to his front bumper and lifted to his beady eyes staring holes through us over the steering wheel. I threw up my hands sheepishly, expecting patience or mercy - all the Biblical responses that passerbys SHOULD show in this event. I was met with another angry, perfunctory HONK. And then, I had another Pat Berry moment.

While I'm quite certain my mother might have calmly strode over to the window, run her hands through her pixie hair a couple times to release tension, and then let the rude driver have it - I am not yet my mother in her full glory. So I did an abridged "Juniors" version.... I calmly stood, eyed the driver, and proceeded to wind the bags back onto their spool and fix the bag container in the middle of the parking lot. Then, I smiled at the driver and ordered Jolene back to the car - as if our entire misadventure had been my full-fledged desire. I am the consummate actress, as so many of you know!

Because I'm a great puppy parent, it should be noted that Jolene racked up again at the Petco. Knowing that her day had been trying and her loyalty tested, she is now the happy owner of a "Catch It" and two new Bully Sticks. Perhaps I should start my stock portfolio with a few shares of Purina...?!

XO,