Restroom Rendezvous

I apologize for my lapse in blogging. This month has been a whirlwind of assessments, holiday programs, and the intense "push for the break". I've only now begun to feel completely recharged... just in time to head back to the trenches on January 2nd! Definitely missing St. Sign of the Cross and there desire to extensively celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus. But as the year comes to a close, I'll share a sure-fire highlight from my time at Bug Tussle Elementary. Read and enjoy - hopefully with a glass of bubbly and a shiny party hat!

A couple weeks before Winter Break, I'd scheduled a Science test. Students had been prepped thoroughly and had a wealth of notes and reminders in their Science notebooks. I know, because I wrote them, copied them, and then stapled them INTO the Science notebook. Trust me - that was much easier than the alternative of waiting for each child to painstakingly copy the definitions from the not-so-Smartboard. I'd even gone so far as to notify the parents (via the newsletter that 3 of them read weekly) that there would be no study guide. I cheerfully emphasized the importance of the Science notebook and chirped about how it could go home ALL WEEK to support student study endeavors. (I know, based on my past posts this is laughable to all my readers - but I was trying for teacher of the year... or at least Santa's Nice List).

A couple days before the test, I was shoving the last of the dear ones out the door at 3:00pm. I'd needed a restroom break since noon (on account of my newfound health kick of guzzling water by the bottleful - not recommended for anyone in the teaching field). Ignoring the intense pain in my feet from my very-cute-but-not-school-teacher-appropriate stilettos, I click clacked towards the student restrooms. Just as I reached the sinks, a parent's voice stopped me in my tracks.

Turning with a smile and almost imperceptible sigh, I saw with chagrin that it was one of the helicopter parents from the class. This was our third impromptu rendezvous of the week, which was - in my opinion - three too many! No amount of prodding on her part or encouraging tutoring on my part was going to change the fact that her Sally Sue was not going to turn into Marie Curie. Or even a female version of Bill Nye. Without waiting for me to acknowledge her, Chopper Mom took off with her latest concern...

"Sally Sue doesn't have her study guide for the Science test on Friday."

"It's Wednesday, " I thought...

"She needs another copy."

"We didn't send home a study guide. It was explained in the newsletter on Monday. The kids were instructed to use their Science notebooks." I said. 

"Which you'd know if you'd leave me alone and READ the newsletter for all your concerns," I thought...

"Her Science notebook?"

"Mmhmm," with a saccharine sweet smile.

"It says SCIENCE," I thought with an eye roll. 

At this point, Chopper Mom gave a confused nod- which I took to mean our conference had concluded. With that, I turned crisply and strode into the restroom. Just as I locked my stall and began to hike my pencil skirt, the air began to churn with a nasal voice. Chopper Mom had followed me INTO the restrooms. Apparently, she was ready for an emergency landing since her child's Science grade was at stake. 

"Why wasn't there a Study Guide?" she queried. 

"Um, what?! Ahem, because we've been practicing note taking - an important to skill to master at this grade level?!" My voice rose in anxiety. I was trapped in a stall with my skirt  around my chest and a crazy mother's Converse blocking my escape...

"There's a level of DECORUM," I thought maliciously as I struggled to maintain an air of professionalism.

"Can she get one? There's nothing in her Science notebook!" I cringed and braced myself for the thrust of the Science notebook under the stall. Mercifully, this action did not come. 

"Right now?! Um..." I frantically finished adjusting my tucked in shirt. 

"Should I write it on this cheap knock-off Charmin?!" I wanted to scream...

I threw open the stall door and made a beeline for the sinks and foamy antiseptic smelling soap. Intently staring at my hands, I firmly told her to grab a Science book for extra support. Finally, Chopper Mom got the point and took to the air, a new target sighted - a SCIENCE BOOK. As I dried my hands and did some minor hair and makeup tweaks, I silently evaluated the restroom rendezvous and thought - that JUST HAPPENED. Weeks later, it still makes me shake my head in disbelief - but as 2012 draw to a close, it provides me with a couple important resolutions...

1. This excessive water drinking is for fitness fanatics who have ample free time for restroom breaks at their workplace. NOT for elementary school teachers.

2. Always take a pen and pad with you. You never can tell when you may have to compose an impromptu study guide during a restroom rendezvous.